


A Deadly Kiss

by yowzahsweetie



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-28
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2018-02-23 01:12:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2528519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yowzahsweetie/pseuds/yowzahsweetie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt sighs. Of course he’d get this question. Before he realizes it the words are flying out of his mouth uncontrollably. “It’s the sweetest pain,” he starts. “Like…burning hot, coursing through your veins.” He looks to Karen for silent approval of his statement and is greeted with a worried look. He laughs nervously and continues, figuring what the hell. He’s so tired. Tired of living it and tiring of running from it all in the same breath. “Love is torture. And if you’ve ever been in love, than you know it. Makes me more sure every day.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Deadly Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> *Idea and theme of the story refers to the song 'Only Love Can Hurt Like This' by Paloma Faith.

Matt stands behind the curtain, head bowed, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose tightly. He doesn’t want to be here and hates that he invited himself into this environment once again. He tried to back out of it, tried convincing his agent and publicist that he just wasn’t ready. They only shook their heads and told him the truth. This would be the fifth event in a row he’d be cancelling, and he was teetering on the edge of career suicide. This was his lifeblood, his history. How he got his start. How he skyrocketed into popularity. Plus, they’d added, the press hadn’t gotten wind of the news yet but rumors were beginning to swirl like ravens surrounding road kill. If he kept avoiding the public eye, the media wouldn’t hesitate a moment longer to swoop in and rip him apart.

 

So he made the two hour drive from LA to San Diego thinking, at the very least, he’d have his own car should he need to make a quick exit.

 

“Matt? 2 minutes.” He lifts his head to her voice, offering a half smile and a nod to acknowledge her words.

 

“Thanks, Kaz.”

 

As Karen goes to finish her last minute hair and makeup checks, Matt breathes in heavily as he steels himself for the onslaught that’s about to begin. He used to _love_ coming to events like this, and smirks as he remembers once saying it was like a public therapy session, getting to talk about yourself to complete strangers for an hour. He’d laugh and be silly with his former co-stars, telling stories and revealing bits of his personality to ever-eager fans. It never felt intrusive. It never felt like a chore.

 

Until now.

 

He glances in Karen’s direction once more and she catches his gaze, winking at him in reassurance. He’s grateful at least that she’s here to offer support and a bit of relief. She’s one of only three people who know what’s happened, including his mother and best friend Harry. He knows soon enough it’ll be public knowledge – but the longer he holds it off, the longer he can keep it together inside.

 

Matt hears the announcers call their names and Karen comes to stand by his side. “You ready?” she feigns excitement on his behalf.

 

“No,” he states glumly.

 

She squeezes his hand in a show of solidarity as they head to the stage. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”

 

**

 

The question and answer session goes much like he expected – plenty of fan love for his Doctor Who days, admiration for his role in Terminator, but mostly throngs of excitement for his recent emergence in the latest Avenger’s box office success. He plasters a smile on his face and plays the part of the adorable, goofy, clumsy boy next door-turned celebrity perfectly. Yet he can’t quite seem to escape the overwhelming feeling that that part of him is forever gone – in its place a jaded and weary man, no longer in love with everything the world has to offer. Karen, his partner, his mate, effortlessly and seemingly unnoticeably saves him a few times from releasing the internal beast. _God bless her,_ he thinks. Throughout _everything_ , she’s truly been one of the best friends he’s ever had.

 

“Do you have any advice for being in love?”

 

Matt sighs. Of course he’d get this question. Before he realizes it the words are flying out of his mouth uncontrollably. “It’s the sweetest pain,” he starts. “Like…burning hot, coursing through your veins.” He looks to Karen for silent approval of his statement and is greeted with a worried look. He laughs nervously and continues, figuring _what the hell_. He’s so tired. Tired of living it and tiring of running from it all in the same breath. “Love is torture. And if you’ve ever been in love, than you know it. Makes me more sure every day.”

 

Karen pipes in again to save him, though this time he wishes she hadn’t. He just wants it all out there so it can be over. Like ripping off a giant band-aid. “I think what Matt means is that, in this business, with schedules and travelling and whatnot, it can be hard, you know? Sometimes being away from someone you love and care about can feel like torture. But if you’re lucky enough, you find someone that understands, and it works out!” The audience bursts into applause and cheers, Matt and Karen exchanging a fleeting look.

 

He seamlessly glances at the clock through his peripheral vision, noticing thankfully only five minutes left in the session. Having already been through the autograph and photo sessions, this nightmare is finally coming to an end. The last question approaches the microphone carefully and nervously. He chuckles softly on the inside, still holding a soft spot for the fans, knowing how big a deal this is for most of them.

 

“Hello sweetie,” the tiny voice says, obviously having mustered up all her courage to do so.

 

He smiles this time for real. Ah, a River Song question coming up. He’d frankly been surprised there hadn’t been one yet, albeit he’d been several years removed from the show. “Hello love,” he responds. “What’s your question?”

 

The girl glances down at the floor and though he’s sitting about100 feet away, can tell she’s blushing with anxiety and nerves.

 

“I know you’re been asked this before, but I just had to ask it myself…” she pauses, her hands fidgeting nervously at her sides. “In one word…what was it like kissing Alex Kingston?”

 

A few hoots and whistles accompany the end of the question, but all Matt hears is silence. The audience disappears, the auditorium turns dark, and the glowing vision of Alex enters his mind, replaying itself over and over again. Every kiss. Every moment. Up until the last one.

 

He snaps back into the moment and it appears everyone is waiting with baited breath for his answer, including an amused Karen. He doesn’t risk glancing her way, knowing her smirk would distract him. He rushes through a million different words in his mind, trying to come up with the _one_ that could possibly suffice for every feeling coursing through him. He brings the microphone back to his lips and begins to mouth something before stopping himself. A coy smile spreads across his face as the perfect word dawns on him and practically screams at him from the inside out. He knows this will spread like wildfire. He knows she’ll catch wind of it. But suddenly he doesn’t care. He answers in a low, husky voice.

 

“Deadly.”

 

**

 

“So, I wasn’t going to bring this up but…” Karen draws out. “Are you going to Moff’s thing next month?”

 

As they walk out to the parking lot, Matt shakes his head in confusion. “What thing?”

 

“The big birthday party, remember? We got the invite from Sue like a month ago. I know things have been…well, busy. But all of us are gonna be there. Me, Arthur.” She pauses a beat. “Alex,” she says off-handedly.

 

He chuckles as he fishes the keys out of his pocket. “That was just for show, Kaz. You know as well as I do what they want to hear. So I gave it to them.”

 

She nods along. “Yeah. Except you’ve never used the word ‘deadly’ before and things – well, things are different now.”

 

Matt stops and turns to face her. “Not _that_ different. And _too_ different all the same.”

 

“Still. I’m sure she’d love to see you.”

 

He hesitates and looks away, uncomfortable talking about this amidst everything. “We’ll see,” is all he manages to get out. Karen gives him a knowing look before pulling him into a hug.

 

“Alright,” she relents. “Call me. Let me know.”

 

“Will do,” he quips before opening the car door and settling in, watching her walk away, her words ringing in his ears.

 

_I’m sure she’d love to see you._

 

Matt shakes his head to rid himself of those silly thoughts. He’s not so sure.

 

**

 

He checks himself in the mirror once more, giving a small shrug and straightening his tie. Half of him regrets agreeing to this – yet he’d made a promise to so many, including Sue, that he’d be here. Plus when it really came down to it, he couldn’t ignore such an important event for Moff, the man who’d given him his start and mentored him like a true father figure. Nagging in the back of his mind as well was the thought of seeing Alex again. He’d expected _something_ from his comments at Comic-Con. _Some_ kind of witty banter – or fallout even – yet nothing ever came. Still, the ache just to see her, even catch a glimpse of her, is more than he could ever think to ignore. Knowing she’s been in a relationship for years now doesn’t make it any easier. In fact it makes him downright uncomfortable, feeling what he’s feeling. He laughs to himself as he flips the light switch off and opens his hotel room door. He’s always been a glutton for punishment when it comes to her.

 

As he opens the door, he glances to the left and his breath hitches in his throat as he catches a glimpse of her golden halo of magnificent curls. He notices her bare legs wrapped in heels, and his eyes shift upward to the hem of her sparkling dress. His heart begins to beat rapidly and a smile slowly edges itself upon his face. He takes another step about to head in her direction when he abruptly stops himself and quickly shifts back out of sight. He peeks around the edge of the doorway, watching cautiously as she steps into the hallway outside her room and the chap he can only assume is her boyfriend follows her. Matt quickly shuts the door, hiding behind it, not knowing what to say or do.

 

 _“Fuck_ ,” he curses under his breath and thumps his head against the back of the door.

_Get a grip_ , he thinks. _It’s been forever, you’ve got to let it go. She’s got no hold on you._ He silently counts 120 seconds, needing to be sure she’s already long gone before he ventures out the door again. He turns the handle and pokes his head out, not hearing any voices or seeing anyone else in the hall. He shakes his head at the thought of going to such lengths to avoid the encounter – because the minute he steps foot into that party downstairs, he’ll see her. He’ll see her with him. Yet somehow, being in a room full of people and alcohol somehow makes the idea a bit more tolerable.

 

Matt steps into the elevator and as the doors close he watches the display of descending floor numbers above him. He tries to remember the last time they were all together but can’t. This was his family at one time, the people that meant the most in the world to him. And they’d all sort of…let each other go.

 

The bell dings, the doors open, he sees her and immediately feels it - like coming home. His eyes zero in on her talking animatedly with someone at the bar and the rest of his surroundings fall away. Like being locked in on a target, he begins to make his way toward her, unaware of anyone and anything else.

  
That is until he gets clapped on the shoulder and jolted from his stupor. On guard initially, Matt relaxes when he turns to see Steven’s smiling face. “Happy birthday, Moff.” They exchange an embrace mixed with more pats on the back.

 

“I thought for a minute you weren’t going to make it,” Steven replies. “Glad to see you were convinced.”

 

Matt tilts his head to the side sheepishly. “Yeah well, you know Kaz .I’d never hear the end of it otherwise.”

 

Steven laughs and steps closer to Matt. “True, true. But that’s not who I meant.” He raises his eyebrows knowingly and shifts his perspective the same direction Matt’s had been when he first walked in the room. To Alex.

 

Matt shakes his head and laughs it off, pretending he has no idea what Steven’s talking about, all the while knowing Steven knows _exactly_ what he’s talking about. “It’s been a long time, mate,” Matt says reverently. “And besides, she’s with someone.” He pauses, shifting his gaze to the ground before lifting his head once more.  “And I’m a married man.”

 

Steven looks at him knowingly, like there’s much to be said but unsure of how to say it. Instead he simply nods, putting an arm around Matt’s shoulder and leading him in a different direction. “This is a celebration, old friend. Let’s get you a drink.”

 

**

 

Later in the night, Matt stands in a corner chatting with Arthur, Karen and Steven, feeling lighter than he has in years. His smile rings true and his laugh comes from the depth of his soul for the first time in a long while. They’re in the midst of a good laugh while recounting an old story when he hears a voice behind him.

 

“Well then, can we officially call this a Team Tardis reunion now?”

 

Her voice is like liquid gold – smooth and flowing over every inch of him, lighting him up from the inside out. He turns to her.

 

“Alex,” is all he manages to murmur.

 

“Matt,” she greets back, her eyes on fire and connecting with his. Karen pulls her into a fierce hug which interrupts their little moment. Matt looks around, distinctively noticing the absence of her date.

 

“I was wondering when you’d make your way back over here,” Karen says to Alex.

 

Alex takes a sip of her wine. “Well I didn’t want to interrupt,” she begins with a smile.

 

“Nonsense,” Arthur interrupts. He puts his arm around her other shoulder. “You’re part of us, Alex. Always will be.” She beams at him, her gaze then slowly shifting again to Matt. They exchange a million words in the silence of seconds that pass between them.  

 

“Yes!” Matt shrieks out unexpectedly. “You’re part of us; we’re part of each other. We need to _talk_ more.” A few haughty chuckles emanate from his outburst, accompanied by some hand gestures acknowledging the amount of alcohol that might be fueling it. He turns directly to Alex, no longer addressing the rest of the group. “Why don’t we talk more? When did we stop talking?”

 

Stunned at his directness, Alex sputters slightly. “Oh I think you do quite enough talking for the both of us, don’t you?” Silence falls upon everyone uncomfortably; all recognizing her hint at his recent gaffe at Comic-Con. “I’m sorry,” she demurs gracefully. “Please excuse me.” She quickly retreats and he watches as she makes her way to the front of the room, presumably seeking a quick exit.

 

 _So what,_ he thinks. _She made her choices too_. _Let her walk away again, I don’t care._ Yet for all his protests, he can’t keep his eyes off of her retreating form, his fingers twitching uncontrollably.

 

“Bugger,” he mutters under his breath.

 

“Yeah, you’d better go fix that,” Karen chides him. He places his glass down on the nearest surface and turns to follow Alex’s path.

 

“Matt!” Karen calls out. He turns as she walks closer to him. “Tell her. All of it.”

 

He looks at her unsure, wavering and torn. She grabs a tight hold of his arm. “Tell. Her.” She reiterates pointedly. He quickly nods and runs in the direction of the elevators.

 

He catches up to her waiting in front of the elevator doors and approaches her cautiously. “Alex, wait. Please.” She doesn’t acknowledge him, instead keeping her eyes forward and jaw set strongly, reflecting her current state of anger. Matt sighs, stepping in front of her line of sight, forcing her to look at him. “Don’t go. Just…talk to me, please.” She still does not react, but he sees the fury behind her eyes and it forces him to swallow hard.

 

“Alex,” he laughs nervously. “Please don’t make me beg. Stay.”

 

“Not here,” she says lowly and perfectly strides into the elevator bay as the doors open, like it was waiting for its moment. He follows her in, pressing the button for his floor. “How did you know my floor?” She asks flatly, devoid of emotion.

 

“It’s my floor too. Figured we could go to my room.” He looks sideways at her and despite his better judgment he can’t _help_ himself. “Besides, wouldn’t want your bloke to see another guy coming out of _his_ room.”

 

Alex bites her lip in an apparent attempt to quell the rage burning inside her. “And your _wife?_ ”

Matt swallows the lump in his throat. “Not here,” is all he can muster. The doors open once more and he leads the way to his room, inserting the key and holding the door open for her. He flips on the light and within a moment, as if setting off a wind-up toy, she unleashes on him. “What in the hell were you _thinking_? Saying what you said? Kissing me was _deadly_?! You know perfectly well just as I do what the press can do with that. You’re _lucky_ it hasn’t been blown to bits yet!”

 

“Oh come off it, Alex,” he fires back, annoyed. “You know how those things are. The fans eat it up, that’s all! You said some worse things in your day at those events, don’t think I don’t remember.”

 

“You just can’t go around saying things like that anymore, Matt. I’m _with_ someone, and you’re _married_. Things are different now. And even if they weren’t, we promised we’d never bring that up.”

 

He stands with his hands on his hips, lips pursed so tightly he feels his whole face might crumble at any moment. He lets out an exasperated sigh, and suddenly feeling flush, brings his hands to the lapels of his jacket to remove it. “Not married anymore,” he mumbles as he sheds the jacket and places it over a nearby chair.

 

“What?” Alex asks, not knowing if she heard him properly.

 

“I’m not _married_ anymore,” he says louder and more emphatically. “The papers haven’t caught wind of it yet, but I’m surprised you haven’t heard.” He pinches the bridge of his nose tightly, a move he’s grown used to in times of stress as of late.

 

“I’m – I’m sorry, Matt. I had no clue,” Alex offers kindly.

 

He moves to sit on the corner of the bed and slumps his shoulders dejectedly. “Yeah well, that’s kind of the point. She’s got a big film coming out soon. Didn’t want it to be ‘tainted’ by the news,” making air quotes from his fingers.

 

“What happened?” she asks softly.

 

Matt shakes his head solemnly. “I couldn’t give her everything she wanted.” He raises his head in her direction. “So she found someone that could.” Their eyes meet and he immediately sees the pity behind them. “Don’t,” he stops her before she starts. “I’m fine. Just…don’t.”

 

She bristles slightly at that, him thinking he can read her mind and immediately shutting her out. Exactly like he did before. “Well if we’re laying honesty out on the table, then I suppose I can tell you that Robert and I aren’t together anymore, either.”

 

Matt snaps his head back in her direction. “You just said – but I _just_ saw the two of you together, earlier,” he says indignantly. “He was coming out of _your_ room – _with you_.”

 

“He was supposed to come tonight as a favor. Much the same as your situation, no one really knows yet. But he showed up here and told me he couldn’t go through with it. So – yes – he _was_ here…but he left.”

 

He feels like a giant idiot. “I’m sorry,” he offers weakly. “What’s the story there?”

 

Alex turns to the window to face away from him, wrapping her arms around herself tightly. “It started out perfectly. He was so supportive and understanding. Of _everything_. My schedule, my career, my home life. Even asked me to marry him…” she trails off, looking down at the finger that so recently held an eternity of promises. “Then that understanding began to fade. He couldn’t understand why I’d spend months here or there travelling for my work. Made it seem like I was choosing my career over him. Then he tried to force me into a choice.” She whips back around, evidence of a few tears staining the area under her eyes. “And I told him where he could stick his choice,” she says firmly, her eyes boring into his.

 

He chuckles softly. “Some things never change.”                

 

She smiles back at him, glancing at her watch to interrupt the state of awkwardness between them now. “We should get back,” she says softly. “Before the party ends.” She starts toward the door. “We can finish talking lat-”

 

“Why don’t we ever talk about it?” She hears him say from behind and it stops her in her tracks.

 

“We agreed-” she starts as she turns around.

 

“No we _didn’t_ ,” he interrupts, standing. “We never _agreed_ to anything. We sort of fumbled our way around it the next morning and then the whole thing practically vanished into thin air.” He accentuates his words with hand gestures. “Like you.”

 

She grows irritated and looks astounded. “Wait a second, _I_ vanished into thin air? You sure you don’t want to rethink that statement?”

 

He narrows his eyes at her. “Quite sure. Because you shed a completely new skin after that, Alex. You wouldn’t say two words to me, Christ you could barely even _look_ at me. Every time I tried to get close to you again it was like I tried to burn your skin or something. You just…ran away.”

 

“And what exactly was I supposed to do? Fall on your feet like the rest of your conquests? Sit and wait for a man, who, barely 30, couldn’t _for his life_ have a real conversation about what happened? Instead just making jokes all the time?” Her voice continues to rise as her anger boils to the surface. “It was quite clear you didn’t take what happened seriously. So forgive me for having to tell myself it didn’t mean a _thing_. And forgive me for having to convince myself that you had no hold on me. And _excuse me_ for wanting to keep it together after you left and moved on. Tell me,” she says fiercely, her chest heaving. “What was I supposed to do? Crumble apart when you weren’t there?”

 

He takes two steps in her direction before he stops himself, but points a finger angrily at her. “You are _mad_ , you know that? Of _course_ I took what happened seriously. I _had_ to play it off so I wouldn’t seem like a damned puppy dog _begging_ for your attention or _dying_ just to feel your touch! That night was a culmination of everything I’d been feeling for you and it meant _everything_ to me, Alex.” He turns away from her, frustrated, running his hands through his hair fervently.

 

“You’re such a damned good actress, you know that? I couldn’t read you. I tried, and I couldn’t. So I tried to follow your lead. You seemed to want to brush it off entirely, so I followed suit.”

 

“Yes you did a very good job of that. One moment you’re telling me that I’m your soul mate. The next thing I know you’re dating Lily.” She pauses for good measure. “And then you married her.”  
  
“Oh a lot happened in between there Alex, don’t you think? Like, perhaps, the span of 5 years?” He sighs, his hands again finding his hips as a good place to land. “Besides, she never even came close to you.”

 

“Matt-”

 

“No, this is as good a time as any, right?” he starts raising his voice now. “Put all our cards on the table? Say what couldn’t or wouldn’t be said all those years ago!”

 

“It’s water under the bridge-”

 

“No! It’s _not_ water under the bridge!”

 

“It was just one night, Matt!” Alex finally snaps, fearing she can’t handle any more of this. She’d kept that night near and dear to her heart every day since its occurrence. All the flirting and teasing up until that point finally led to the dam breaking. They’d made love for hours on end, whispering soft words into each other’s ears, teasing and tempting and playing with each other. Laughing. She remembers them laughing. That night had put her over the edge with regard to her feelings for him. She was done for, and so far gone in love with him it was like nothing she’d ever experienced with any other man. But the next day, somehow, inexplicably, everything had changed. His demeanor had been different. She’d been hurt enough times and knew her heart well enough to know it was about to be broken. So she’d steeled herself, watching him cautiously, looking for any signs that he might’ve felt the same way. Instead he’d simply flirt with her like always, right before moving onto the next girl to do the same. He joked with her, teased her, and eventually distanced himself from her. It was lucky they finished filming together when they did. What they’d had…was gone.

 

“One night?” he asks incredulously. “Is that really all it meant to you? Even now? One night!” he shouts. “Well I tell you what - it means a whole hell of a lot more to me than _that_.”

 

“Really, like what?” she asks sarcastically and almost scathingly.

 

“Like I’ve been bloody in love with you for the better part of _ten years_ , that’s what!” he shouts.

 

The proclamation settles upon them like particles of dust. Alex feels the tears welling up in her eyes and forces them back down. She tries to calm the sudden fury that has filled the room. “Matt,” she begins peacefully, “You weren’t in love with me-”

 

“No,” he says in a quiet yet forceful tone as she steps within breathing distance of her. She trembles on the inside, aching desperately to reach out to him and erase the ugliness. Erase the time. “You’re right, I wasn’t. _Am. Still_. Present tense.”

 

She opens her mouth to speak but he stops her. “And before you say what I know you’re going to say – it wasn’t infatuation. It wasn’t a crush. It’s _not_ a fixation.”

 

Alex takes a step back and shakes her head defiantly. “How do you know its love?”

 

Matt looks through her eyes and into her soul and whispers gravely. “Because only love can hurt like this.” He grabs his coat from the chair and turns to walk out the door.

 

“Matt-”

 

He turns on his heel and in three strides has her face in his hands, kissing her with urgency and longing that years apart could not begin to unravel. She returns the kiss with her own fervor before he abruptly pulls away. “One day you’re going to wake up and realize that I was _worth_ it. That you should’ve _tried_.”

 

Stunned, she watches him walk away once more and can’t think of anything logical to say to get him to stay. “Matt, this is your room. If you want, I’ll go.”

 

“Keep the bloody room for all I care,” he shouts over his shoulder and swings open the door. In an instant, he’s gone.

 

 

Alex feels like a knife has just cut through the middle of her soul. All the pain she kept at bay, all the longing and pretending – it suddenly feels like no time has passed at all. Here she stands broken, watching him walk away once more. “Only love can hurt like this,” she whispers as an echo into the stillness of the empty room that surrounds her.

 

**

 

Hours later, a much more rational and emotionally drained Matt returns to his room and stands at the door, afraid of what he might find inside. Maybe she’s still in there, stewing and seething, awaiting his return to strike with merited venom of her own. Then again maybe she’s not there, and the reprise of this dance they’ve done for almost a decade has finally received its curtain call.

 

Reluctantly, he inserts the key and opens the door. Taking a few steps inside, he quickly realizes she’s not there. He notices a folded piece of paper on the middle of the bed. He gingerly picks it up and opens it.

 

_I was worth it too._

 

The words gut him. It’s everything he’s been thinking for the hours since he ran from that room. He should’ve tried harder and never left _any_ doubt in her mind that he wanted her, cherished her, and loved her. He crumples the note and flies out the door, down the hall to her room, and raps on the door incessantly. “Alex!” he calls. “Alex please, open up.”  Without an answer, he puts his ear to the door to try to hear any sign of movement from within.

 

 

Matt pulls away, wondering where else she could possibly be. He tries calling her, knowing in all likelihood she wouldn’t pick up. He’s right. He walks to the end of the hallway, peering out the window just above the pool and it catches his eye.

 

Of course. The gardens.

 

He races through the hall, impatiently waits as the elevator descends, and runs down the path leading to the hotel’s infamous flower gardens where he finds her sitting on a concrete bench next to the pond. He takes a few long but quiet strides in her direction. She knows instantly he’s there, but she’s not up for another fight, and as such doesn’t say a word. He sits down on the bench next to her, noticing her forward facing eyes and adopting a similar gaze.

 

“Do you purposely choose the irony of sitting next to a pond, or does it choose you?” he laughs, trying to lighten the mood a bit. He catches her smile and thanks everything holy she still lets him make her laugh. She turns her head to face him and it’s clear she’s been crying. He clutches his heart because it physically hurts to see her like this and to know _he_ is responsible for it.

 

Matt gently takes her hands in his and grips them tight, rubbing his thumb over the pulse point on her wrist. “Well I’m gonna add to it a bit here, and steal a line from the show.” He pauses a beat. “You are seared onto my heart _forever,_ Alex. But it’s…” he smiles. “It’s the _sweetest_ pain.  You _are_ worth it. You’re worth everything. Every kind of pain – every kind of-”

 

“Torture,” she interrupts and he stumbles.

  
“What?”

 

“Love is torture…makes me more sure every day...” She echoes his remarks from Comic-Con.

 

A slow smile spreads across his face. “You know I was talking about you, right?”

 

Alex takes a deep breath with a smile of her own. “I know that love hurts. It’s a hurt unlike anything you’ve ever known. I know that it hurt when I let you go – so much so that it could’ve only meant I loved you. And I know…that it hurt to see you again tonight. I know that can only mean one thing.”

 

Matt moves his hand to her face, softly stroking the outline of her lips with his thumb. “What’s that?” he whispers as he bends his head down toward hers, his lips now a breath apart from hers.

 

“It must have been a deadly kiss,” she whispers into his mouth.


End file.
